Is Having a Job Low Key Kinda Cringe at This Point?
As I've been seeing more and more layoff announcements and "open to work" statuses flooding LinkedIn, having a job has started to feel like an oddity. It's gotten me thinking: is being employed actually low-key kind of "cringe" now? Imagine celebrating a work anniversary or promotion given the state of things. Yuck! No thanks to those sour grapes.
So, I decided to explore the topic further and discovered a few aspects of having a job that are especially cringe-worthy.
Making Money
Having money? No thanks, double it and give it to the next person. I mean, who needs it when you could exist in a delightful state of constant anxious financial suspense? With a job, I'd be burdened with the agonizing predictability of being able to afford basic human necessities, like rent, utilities, or food. But without a job, I can truly enjoy the adrenaline rush of wondering if my electricity will still be on when I wake up. Now that's what I call excitement!
Networking
By having a job, I find myself forced to engage in the tedious rituals of networking, all that shaking babies and kissing hands, pretending to like golf, and rubbing elbows with other professionals in my field. Honestly, who wants to forge connections, collaborate on projects, exchange valuable insights, and potentially make new friends when I could be home alone, muttering, "Let's take this offline" to my cat? When you think about it, the more I isolate myself, the more unique and mysterious I become!
Interesting Challenges
What could be more cringe than encountering intriguing problems and obstacles that encourage me to develop new skills? Studies show that mental stimulation is good for long-term mental health, but to that, I say "non merci." Without a job, I can enjoy a blissfully stagnant existence, safe from the terrifying prospect of personal growth. I've decided to embrace a comfortable cocoon of complacency and swear off any form of personal growth.
Job Perks
I've learned not to be lured into the promise of job perks, like free coffee and snacks, paid vacation time, company swag, or health insurance benefits. It's a trap! We all know that healthcare in America is perfectly affordable without an employer contribution, and nothing in life is truly free anyway. So why sell my soul for a subpar cup of coffee and the ability to afford a doctor's visit? I've found that the path to enlightenment lies in sipping overpriced lattes from trendy coffee shops mid-day and relying on WebMD to diagnose all my ailments.
So ask yourself: "Is having a job truly worth all these “perks’?”
https://www.nickmartuscelli.com/services-for-jobseekers
Remember, I am actually cringe myself, and my job is to offer exceptional guidance and advice as we all navigate the hilariously sad roller coaster of our working world.
This article is satire, meant to be a bit of The Fox and The Grapes and bring a few chuckles. ❤️